"LET'S KEEP IT REAL, BECAUSE I AM KEEPING IT REAL"

- Some Crazy Dude on THE HOWARD STERN SHOW

 

A few things to get out of the way so we can both be more productive and create killer work together.

 

1.
I love your kind words about my work, really I do, but when it comes to paying rent, forking over ungodly amounts of money for worthless health insurance, or most importantly feeding my child, your kind words don’t mean anything. This is what I do, and I get paid for what I do. Please do not approach me for anything that even smells like a pro bono job.

2.
I don’t include an equipment list because frankly I don’t feel like updating my site every time I get a new toy, and I get a lot of them. I also sell and trade equipment all the time, so for efficiency sake I just don’t include one. Whatever we will need for the shoot, I either have or can get from the many rental houses I am in good standing with.

3.
First meeting is over the phone. If we hit it off, and I’m sure we will, (why wouldn’t we??) then we can meet in person at your favorite coffee shop. Only once. After that you should be able to tell if you would want to work with me or not. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve met with directors and drank gallons of coffee only to have nothing come of those meetings. My time is valuable, as is yours, and once you have the funding and contracts are signed then feel free to call me anytime, even if it’s just to hang out.

4.
If we team up then I will be available to you 24/7. This is not a joke. I’ve had conversations with directors starting at 2am and ending hours later. This is what I love to do, and problem solving is part and parcel of film.

5.
As great as you think my work is, my lighting and compositions cannot take the place of a Hair/Make-up Department, a Wardrobe Department, or an Art Department. In other words I cannot make your lead actress decked out in jeans and a flannel look like someone who just hopped out of a Robert McGinnis painting by myself.

6.
I need help. Really. I do. I also need help when it comes to film production. If you don’t want to go with any grips or gaffers that I recommend for whatever reason, then you need to supply me with people who know what they are doing. Enthusiastic kids who are dying to learn on a real film set are awesome, but if they just want to stand around and take shots for their Instagram accounts, then it’s a problem.

 

7.

Safety is Priority! (Which is why it's so far down the list, right??) As you know when we spend so much time together on a set we all become close like a family. I would never want to see... well...hummm...yeah...no...I would never want to see any of my family get hurt, so if there is something that seems unsafe to ANYONE I will not shoot. Period. I used to be pretty relaxed about that until an actress who was 3 weeks pregnant got clobbered on the head with an oak axe handle. The baby was fine, however his mother had a knot on her head like a door knob for a while.

 

© 2019 by J. Michael Whalen